mixed emotions

I know that my posts are usually pretty silly and fluffy, this is not one of those posts. As most of you know, I have struggled for the last 10 years with Endometriosis. It has been probably the biggest trial I have had thus far in my life.
In the beginning I was only having episodes about every six months or so, it has now progressed to the point where I have more bad days than good. It seems to just keep building and building. The last few weeks or so have been especially difficult, with all my days being bad and only having a few good hours here and there. The added problem being when I do have a few good hours I try to get as much done as I can and end up completely wearing myself out for the rest of the day.
There is no cure for Endo and the only way to make it go away is to have a hysterectomy. Steve and I really want to have one more child first so we have decided to give it till the end of September to get pregnant and then- if I am not- go ahead and have the hysterectomy done before the end of the year. If I do get pregnant then wait till delivery and have the Dr. do one then.
I have very mixed emotions about all of this. It is so final. But at the same time, I do not want to keep living my life this way. I want to have the chance to feel better, to be able to play more with my crazy boys, to be a better wife. Right now, I feel like I am just surviving.