I woke up today feeling a twinge of sadness. Not for how things are. I would be very ungrateful if I wasn't happy with how blessed we are lately. The sadness I felt was for what could have been.
Today would have been our baby's 2nd birthday. Steve and I would likely be starting to have conversations about having a fourth. I was surprised that today snuck up on me. I guess over time the pain has finally started to really fade. I certainly still want more children. I even still get teary eyed when I think/talk about it too much. But I am past the point of crying about it out of the blue. Sometimes it is still hard for me to be excited when yet another person announces their "totally unplanned, got pregnant without even trying" pregnancy, but at least I can be genuinely happy for them now, even if I am still jealous that it isn't me.
I guess that is what it comes down to at this point, for me. I am happy for those who are having babies. Along with that though, I am sad that it isn't me.
I hope at some point we will be there again, but for now I think that it just isn't supposed to be. For whatever reason. And when it is supposed to happen for us, it will. Whether biologically or through adoption, I truly believe we are meant to have more children. Just not right now. Someday.
March ‘26
2 days ago
2 comments:
Those what-could-have-been moments will never go away, but as you mentioned, at least they get less frequent as more time passes. I still think about you and your baby every time I read your blog or hear an update about your family. I hope things work out for the best with your cute little family.
You are amazing to be so strong, I know that you had to work to get where you are, but lots of women can't even get to this point. I think that you have the hardest trial a women can have, and I truly hope and pray for the best for you. I love you and your cute family, and I can't wait to see who the Lord will bring into you home someday
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